From 2018; From 20

It's March already. 

I know you may not notice it but 2019 is speeding up like whoa, hold up. It feels like it was only yesterday we started this year and now it has entered the third month of 2019. I started this year by watching Aang. Well, mostly, except that particular day when I got a message from my friend about her having to collect articles and she asked me to make it. I remembered writing it while crying because of, yeah, you will read it below, but still nailed it. My college mate even asked me, "What kind of article? How can you write in this situation?"

Well, surprisingly, I did. I was surprised at myself too, frankly.

If I had to say, 2018 was definitely one of a kind year for me. It had everything in it. I learned so much and I, oh God it will feel so good when I say it, came back stronger. Wow. It had been over since two months ago, 2018, I mean. Yet, I hope the lessons stay.

Through ups and downs back then, I discovered myself more. It was so difficult, if I may say. I lost one of my dream and I had to keep on standing while fixing what was broken. In the midst of it, I had to become strong fast to support someone else. It wasn't easy, really. I cried a lot and had breakdowns regularly.

In 2018, I learned how to let go. I learned how to accept everything. Last year was quite messy and so full of life lessons.

I dated briefly too.

Shocking, huh?

Funny how I'm typing this while smiling when I used to bawl my heart out because of this after it ended. But, that happens in every breakup, doesn't it? First it hurts, then you heal. Falling will always be painful anyway. I have no regrets and I am content with this now. Let's take this slow and steady. Oh, well, I am talking about life in general. But, really, I was happy, super happy while I was in the relationship.

[If you read this (um, I guess you won't), thanks. I was really really happy to be able to be with you.]

Just like what I wrote earlier, 2018 was the year to discover myself. While I was taking care of someone else, I discovered things about me that I thought I didn't have or wasn't capable of. My emotion and mental were so drilled. I don't even know where to start reflecting because, wow, a lot of things.

Well, as much as it gave me a lot of lessons, I can't really recall how it went back then. Another thing about 2018 is it went like a blur for me. World seems to revolve faster. All I can really and clearly remember is my 2018 was spent with beautiful people. Instead of blabbering like this, how about I list down memorable lessons in words below? Sounds good? Okay.

Here's to Tan's list of lessons from 2018:

1. Life doesn't revolve around you, but some people have somebody else life to revolve around.
2. Trust never comes in instant. It's something you build.
3. Trust your gut.
4. You are more than what you are thinking.
5. Sadness makes you strong sometimes.
6. When you have chance to love, love hard.
7. Promises are no-no. Don't play with promises unless you want to be an asshole.
8. Don't forget the way to go back home. Never forget.
9. You have people who love you as much as you love them.
10. Losing is never easy. To get back on track after mourning can be such a pain in the ass but we have to keep living so chin up!
11. Missing someone dear to you can be really difficult, especially when they have passed away.
12. Communication is really the key. You want something? You dislike something? You love something? T A L K!
13. You don't compete love and how you express it.
14. Life is all about searching, learning, and accepting.
15. People are going to talk no matter how kind you are to them.
16. Apparently, you won't be enough for people but you have to remember that you don't live for them so yeah, don't dwell on it too much.
17. Your heart knows what is worth to fight for and what is not.
18. There's always room for first time's.
19. Find happiness even in the smallest thing or moment. Cherish it with your people and most importantly, yourself.
20. Allah changes people's heart and it is a part of Allah's best plans so accept it. 

Done.

I gave 20 because I am still 20 years old now and 2018 happened when I was 20 years old or should it be my 20 years old happened in 2018? Actually there are more than those but let's just keep it as 20 for now.

I will turn 21 tomorrow, if Allah allows it of course. I hope I will be a better me from now on. I hope I won't ever forget the lessons I've learned from 2018. They are such life gems. Oh, and I hope I can survive this year. Let's keep praying for good things, shall we?