Thursday, June 20

  Oh, hi people.

  How are you? Or let me change my question, how's your life? I guess mine is a little bit bitter and sweet. Lately, I'm lost. I mean, okay, I'm standing here and talking to you like that, but actually, I'm not. It's just, well, not very easy to explain. But, I'll try to explain as clear as I can. Eh, no. If I could explain then I would.

  Maybe this entry is just a pointless one. I have no idea why do I write this though. LOL, right? Ah yes, I write this while listening SHINee's (ballad) songs. Can you imagine how gloomy the situation for me now? Like, you don't know yourself.

  So, hi, who am I?

  Geez, I planned to continue writing my fanfic today, but ahaha. No. Witch, no. I can't. I'm just blabbing things randomly, aren't I? I've told you, it's hard! Okay, now, I'll try.

  Am I afraid? Yes, I am.

  Why? I don't know.

  Oh, no. I know.

  I'm afraid of being forgotten.

  No one wants to be forgotten, right? I mean, I've had my best(s) there. And if I leave, I must let go of them right? And I'm just being super duper paranoid that they will forget about me. Well, I don't have to leave actually. But, I must be a good girl. I mean, I love them, I don't wanna let them go, however I love my parents more. So, I must follow my parents.

  They know me better and they probably know what is the best for me more than myself.

  And the fact, it is not as easy as I've expected. Well, in the first time I just thought that 'I can do it, they will not forget me. I'm sure.', but the faith is slowly fading away. Okay, it's wrong, I know. I mean, doubting your best(s). However, it just happens in that way. I can't hold it.

  Do I feel like crying? Yes, I do.

  And suddenly, I remember my own words (I wrote them on my fanfic),

It's nice to be remembered and live in another person's life. To be actually seen there. But, it's nicer that you don't walk deeper against the owner's will. Because, once you're kicked out, it will be harder to knock the door.

 So, I guess, I must face the reality, right? Okay, I admit it guys, it will be hard. Really hard. But, I can't be selfish. They have their own life, I have mine. Life goes on. Actually, I'm afraid they will change into someone new. Completely throw me away from their life. But then, when I look up and read my words, I feel a little bit stronger. I feel that my faith is gathering itself again. Now, I'm sure they will not forget me.

  And what will I do? I will love them deeper than before, I guess. Three years and nine years. I fall in love deeper and deeper with them. Then now, we must let go one another to reach our future.

  Eh, I won't say good bye to them. Good bye means forever, I guess, I just say, let's meet up again. I don't know why, but I always know that we will always find our own way to meet and talk again, like these days. Friendship will not die. We love each other and I'm sure, love has its own way to make itself stronger.

  I'm gonna miss them. I will always love them.

  I just wanna say: Jebal, don't ever forget our memories, our laughs, our tears, our friendship, our everything. Because, those ours will lead us to love's way.

Geez, how cheesy. LOLZ.

Np.Obsession - SHINee