Same People, Different Feelings

It’s 2018 already.

To be honest, I don’t know how to start this. My 2017 didn’t end very well. I lost a part of my dreams and it really crushed me. No kidding. It was really difficult for me. I never thought he would go so fast like that. The part of me was ripped away and I couldn’t function well after that. I still can’t, truthfully. But, I promised him that I will keep chasing my dreams which one consists him and SHINee. It’s going to be difficult, not seeing him standing with SHINee anymore, yet I know we can make it somehow. I’ll stand by them. It may sound really foolish, but I can’t retreat now.

(Wherever you are now, I hope you are no longer in pain, Kim Jonghyun. I love you.)

I originally wanted to post something about my vacation. However, this foolish creature did something and as the result, I get a double amount of work. So, if I still want to post about it, I get to wait a little bit more. I get to finish doing the first task.

Instead of doing so, I decided to just write about how I met my old friends with new feelings involved. No, no, I don’t mean in romantic way. But since Jonghyun left, I pay a lot more of attention to people whom I close with. It isn’t like I didn’t do it before the incident, it’s just I’m increasing the amount? It can’t even be counted, what nonsense I’m spouting.

Oh, well, I met my LIA’s classmates and schoolmates. Those were people who filled up my high school memories. Though my LIA classmates just accompanied me until I was in 11th grade, they still can be counted, right? Of course, haha.

Well, I’m going to tell you about LIA first. It’s not a secret that I’ve spent years learning English in that institution. Since I was in junior high school, my dad had enrolled me there. I was really grateful, really. Without LIA, I might not be able to speak English as fluent as what I’m doing now. I’m not an ambassador of LIA, quit it. I know I’m not supposed to mention the institution name, but I’ve mentioned it looooooong ago and the damage has been done (haha).

Photo by: Ilham
We took this selfie for our teacher, Mr. Abrit, because he couldn't come.

Photo by: Ilham's friend
What is a meeting without some pretty pictures, right?

I was transferred to that class because my previous class was disbanded for some reasons. When I first entered the class, I really felt like an outsider. They already had their in-groups and I didn’t feel like I was welcomed. It didn’t bother me that much, yet it still bothered me. I’m talkative by nature, you know? I didn’t really talk with them back then like got to know them better, I didn’t really do that. My aiming was only to finish the course.

I regret that now.

When I hung out with them (06/01), I realized that they weren’t that unapproachable like what I thought. Though I didn’t really say much either, it was fun. I really enjoyed spending my time with them. The feeling was totally different with what I felt before. We talked about majors and stuff. One of them even seemed really interested in my major. I never talked to him when I was in class, honestly, so I was quite surprised to know that he had taken an interest in my major.

I should’ve gotten to know them personally better when I had a chance back then. But really, it’s never late to change, right?

Then, I met up with my schoolmates (09/01) in one of my schoolmates’ house. It was the same house as last Ramadan where we gathered together, the same people whom I shared my three years with, but the very brand-new feeling. Well, I never thought that I’d ever feel like a stranger with them. ‘I know them, but at the same time, I don’t even know them’ feeling? When I glanced at their faces one by one, I realized that time has gone really fast. They used to be very familiar to my eyes, yet they were foreign to me. It was really an odd feeling.

17/36, aren't we already on our way to become a bunch of busy peeps now, guys?

Aside from that, I still could mingle with them well. Some of them still gave me the same familiar feeling and I don’t know, I just relieved to feel it in the midst of an unknown emotion. I’m glad that I came though. Despite feeling like that, I realized that I missed them so much. Sure, not all of them were good to me, but I’m glad they were the ones I spent my high school with.

So far, that’s how my holidays going. How’s yours? Tell me.

I also met my closest ones besides meeting those people. Consider that as recharging because next semester is rumored to be one of those hell-ish semesters. Thanks for reading until this point. Be happy.